When I was a little girl, my Mom would often ask me, "Why are you crying?" Crying somehow released a bit of the pressure inside. I'm in my 50s now, and I still find myself quick to tears. Anger, grief, frustration, exhaustion... grab me a Kleenex. After reading this piece, I think I may test out a few pillows. Might be a nice addition to the tears! Thank you for sharing.
I'm quick to tear up at so much that's sad or sweet - but somehow never found that "release valve" for anger! Pillows are shockingly affective! Thanks for reading AND for leaving a comment! it's so nice to know I'm not the only one
When I first started counseling, there was one day where I stood on my front porch and dropped a whole stack of thrift store plates on my front porch like a crazy person. The anger was so overwhelming, I had to let it leave somehow. It was the only thing I could think of to do in the moment. Then it was just me and the Shopvac on the concrete, wondering what on earth that was, but knowing there was more where it came from.
I got smarter — jars in a 5 gallon bucket, tennis balls thrown at a wall, trying so hard to get it out of my body without hurting anyone.
I needed to read this today and not feel alone. It’s always the grief underneath. Always. But sometimes I just want to throw things instead.
Annelise - thank you for sharing this. Good job with getting smarter about how to get it out of your system...but have to say, the image of your dropping plates on purpose then you and the shopvac! Here's to holding grief and also letting it out in healthy/productive/safe ways!
It was cathartic. It was also a horrible pain to clean up…
I think about that sometimes — a metaphor for how we deal with pain in a way that doesn’t leave splinters of glass for unsuspecting toes. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we miss a piece.
As a life-long fellow rage monster currently in the process of finding a therapist, thank you. I am in thick of it. And it’s so easy to believe I’m the only one sometimes!
Oooof. This was so so good. Thanks for putting words to this. You’re so right that if we can just acknowledge that we ARE angry then we can do something about it. I’ve got a poem here called Nice Girls Don’t Get Angry. It tried to capture how hard it was for me to admit I was angry. But, like you, grief gets me. I’d rather be busy with so many other good works than have to slow down and feel that
I used to throw things in anger (including my phone and a baked potato 🙈), now I scream in my car or into a pillow. But I am dyyying to go to a rage room. Love the idea of doing it at the next Exhale retreat! 🤣👹
Oh man this is so good. My anger and rage sometimes takes me by surprise and like you, I want to control it, to not use it to damage people. I literally had dreams just last night full of rage and screaming and hitting. Maybe I need to try the pillow every now and then... Saving this one for a reread!
The line 'Do you know what I'm capable of?'...I felt that sentiment in my bones. That thought rises up in me every single time I've been in conversation with someone and mentioned how angry I can get, and they always say 'What! I doubt it.'
I remembered the time that I told my husband that I sometimes daydream about letting my rage out through breaking an entire set of dishes, and asked him if he ever felt that way. Unsurprisingly, he had not. 😆
You saw @annalise's comment right? you're not alone! And yeah, not everyone is like this. Anger is shameful (that's how I've experienced it at least, for so many years) and un-becoming... and feels like if we can just admit we do get angry then we can actually DO something about it and WITH it! Thanks for reading! It means so much
Agreed, 100%! Getting diagnosed with ADHD has an adult has also helped me understand my anger better - sometimes I just feel a lot of rage because my nervous system is stimulated to the max, and some dumb little thing finally tipped the scales. It's been really helpful to know this, and be able to tell my husband that I need to put myself in time out and punch some pillows.
Gosh, this is so relatable. Reading your words brought me back to a past version of myself, one who begged God to make me less of what I am and more meek, quiet, docile (palatable?) instead. Just...thank you. Thank you for helping your fellow angry ones feel less alone. And I hope these comments do the same for you. A friend and I have "joked" about going to a rage room instead of a coffee date sometime, and now I'm wondering, why not?
Thanks Ellen. And thanks for taking the time to write this because it DOES help to know we're not alone. Here's to channeling it productively, together!
I'm so glad. It feels scary to put something up like this, but I know-I just know there are so many women with these same emotions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot.
When I was a little girl, my Mom would often ask me, "Why are you crying?" Crying somehow released a bit of the pressure inside. I'm in my 50s now, and I still find myself quick to tears. Anger, grief, frustration, exhaustion... grab me a Kleenex. After reading this piece, I think I may test out a few pillows. Might be a nice addition to the tears! Thank you for sharing.
I'm quick to tear up at so much that's sad or sweet - but somehow never found that "release valve" for anger! Pillows are shockingly affective! Thanks for reading AND for leaving a comment! it's so nice to know I'm not the only one
Saaaaaame with the tears!!!
Sonya, friend. I love exactly who you are. Even the angry parts. Especially those. (And the writing, ooof 🔥)
love you Katie. Maybe I should just get a Peloton, though? 😂
When I first started counseling, there was one day where I stood on my front porch and dropped a whole stack of thrift store plates on my front porch like a crazy person. The anger was so overwhelming, I had to let it leave somehow. It was the only thing I could think of to do in the moment. Then it was just me and the Shopvac on the concrete, wondering what on earth that was, but knowing there was more where it came from.
I got smarter — jars in a 5 gallon bucket, tennis balls thrown at a wall, trying so hard to get it out of my body without hurting anyone.
I needed to read this today and not feel alone. It’s always the grief underneath. Always. But sometimes I just want to throw things instead.
Annelise - thank you for sharing this. Good job with getting smarter about how to get it out of your system...but have to say, the image of your dropping plates on purpose then you and the shopvac! Here's to holding grief and also letting it out in healthy/productive/safe ways!
Honestly, dropping a whole stack of plates on a porch sounds really cathartic. I feel ya!
right?
what can we break!?
It was cathartic. It was also a horrible pain to clean up…
I think about that sometimes — a metaphor for how we deal with pain in a way that doesn’t leave splinters of glass for unsuspecting toes. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we miss a piece.
From one fellow Angry One to another: thank you for writing this. There's nothing like a Mad Woman, is there?
As a life-long fellow rage monster currently in the process of finding a therapist, thank you. I am in thick of it. And it’s so easy to believe I’m the only one sometimes!
https://youtu.be/tXEPbotEjZE
Oooof. This was so so good. Thanks for putting words to this. You’re so right that if we can just acknowledge that we ARE angry then we can do something about it. I’ve got a poem here called Nice Girls Don’t Get Angry. It tried to capture how hard it was for me to admit I was angry. But, like you, grief gets me. I’d rather be busy with so many other good works than have to slow down and feel that
https://thesundaymorningsnuggle.substack.com/p/the-anger-remix
Gosh, I love this piece and you so much.
I used to throw things in anger (including my phone and a baked potato 🙈), now I scream in my car or into a pillow. But I am dyyying to go to a rage room. Love the idea of doing it at the next Exhale retreat! 🤣👹
Oh man this is so good. My anger and rage sometimes takes me by surprise and like you, I want to control it, to not use it to damage people. I literally had dreams just last night full of rage and screaming and hitting. Maybe I need to try the pillow every now and then... Saving this one for a reread!
at least it's isolated to dreams (if I could only channel it all to my dreams!) Pillows are a great option! Thanks for reading.
Screaming in my car right along with you.
so so so cathartic!
The line 'Do you know what I'm capable of?'...I felt that sentiment in my bones. That thought rises up in me every single time I've been in conversation with someone and mentioned how angry I can get, and they always say 'What! I doubt it.'
I remembered the time that I told my husband that I sometimes daydream about letting my rage out through breaking an entire set of dishes, and asked him if he ever felt that way. Unsurprisingly, he had not. 😆
You saw @annalise's comment right? you're not alone! And yeah, not everyone is like this. Anger is shameful (that's how I've experienced it at least, for so many years) and un-becoming... and feels like if we can just admit we do get angry then we can actually DO something about it and WITH it! Thanks for reading! It means so much
I did see her comment, haha.
Agreed, 100%! Getting diagnosed with ADHD has an adult has also helped me understand my anger better - sometimes I just feel a lot of rage because my nervous system is stimulated to the max, and some dumb little thing finally tipped the scales. It's been really helpful to know this, and be able to tell my husband that I need to put myself in time out and punch some pillows.
"I hate these things, too." May we harness, warm, and carry. I'm grateful for you and your anger. Let. Us. Use. It. Well.
whether it be writing or loving our people well or being a good neighbor and caring for others as we can :)
Gosh, this is so relatable. Reading your words brought me back to a past version of myself, one who begged God to make me less of what I am and more meek, quiet, docile (palatable?) instead. Just...thank you. Thank you for helping your fellow angry ones feel less alone. And I hope these comments do the same for you. A friend and I have "joked" about going to a rage room instead of a coffee date sometime, and now I'm wondering, why not?
PALATABLE .... yes yes yes. And yes, these comments feel like a little group hug (or maybe a meet up at a rage room?!)
I know we didn’t make it to the rage room for Katie’s 40th but I’m still down to go for mine.
Please make this an event for the Exhale retreat
SERIOUSLY please
YESSSSS. "optional activity...." lolol. "For those who might be interested..." dying.
In. 100% in. I will start a list for what we are angry about.
Right there with you, Sonya. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with this community. It helps to know that there are so many of us out there 🤍.
Thanks Ellen. And thanks for taking the time to write this because it DOES help to know we're not alone. Here's to channeling it productively, together!
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Thank you Julie. Love you.
Wow, thank you for sharing this and for your vulnerability. I felt so seen. This meant so much to me.
I'm so glad. It feels scary to put something up like this, but I know-I just know there are so many women with these same emotions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot.